Hallworth, M., Graham, L. et al.

First-year engineering student Coral Gilmore, 17, was stunned after realizing she was required to use a 3D Sublimation Heat Press Machine, a device valued at 2.3 million dollars, on just her third day of class.

“I only read the pre-lab five minutes ago, I don’t know how this thing works at all. It’s the size of a rhino and apparently pretty fragile,” said Gilmore, nervously rotating an unmarked dial.

Gilmore says that although she understands the general concepts of sublimation, no one went over the specifics of the machine. Her professor promised that the TA would explain how to use it, but on the day of the lab, the TA assured them that it had been covered it in the professor’s lecture.

“All the pre-lab says is that if I compress the gas too quickly, everything will shatter,” said Gilmore. “I really hope they have insurance.”

Lab TA Malcolm Ellis remains unconcerned, having supervised this same lab five times this week.

“This lab is always scheduled during frosh week; we actually tell them the sticker price of the machine to sober them up,” explained Ellis. “They figure it out eventually.”

During the lab, Gilmore realized that this misplaced trust wasn’t actually new for her.

“I mean, the bank seems pretty confident loaning a small fortune to a teenager with no job history. Hopefully both will work out fine.”