Graham, L. et al

Celine Banks, a freshman taking first year psychology, says the course has been “soooooo interesting” and has allowed her to diagnose several friends with a litany of personality disorders that, before last week, she didn’t know existed.

Although she originally started college as a communications major, she now identifies as a “psychology savant,” having diagnosed more complex disorders in the past month than many trained psychologists diagnose over their entire careers [1].

“I’m really good at getting people’s acronyms. Like my roommate? Totally OCD,” said Banks. “She keeps her side of the dorm creepy organized, and totally freaked out when I left my rotting dishes in the middle of the floor for just 3 weeks.”

Banks attributes much of her prowess from years of watching Criminal Minds, which she has asked to be counted as extra credit to offset all her failed open book quizzes.

Banks also admits it’s hard to convince people to seek professional help after her assessments.

“I let the Chipotle guy know that charging me extra for guacamole fit at least two markers of being a sociopath, but he just rolled his eyes and moved on to the next customer!”

Said Banks, “Despite the anti-social rudeness, I hope he eventually gets the help he needs to chill the fuck out about guacamole.”