Trying to be happier is mentally draining and weakens self-control. Instead of chasing happiness, appreciating what you have may be more fulfilling.

Researchers have identified a new reason behind the “happiness paradox”—the idea that actively trying to become happier can actually lead to less happiness.

While studies have recognized this paradox for over a decade, few have explored its underlying causes. Now, new research from the University of Toronto Scarborough, published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, suggests that the effort to boost happiness is mentally draining. This depletion of cognitive resources weakens self-control and willpower, making individuals more vulnerable to temptations and poor decisions—ultimately undermining their happiness.

“The pursuit of happiness is a bit like a snowball effect. You decide to try making yourself feel happier, but then that effort depletes your ability to do the kinds of things that make you happier,” says study co-author Sam Maglio, professor of marketing in the Department of Management at U of T Scarborough and the Rotman School of Management.

Maglio likens the fallout of constantly trying to be happier to coming home after a long day at work — the more mentally rundown we are, the more tempted we’ll be to skip cleaning the house and instead scroll social media, for example. Maglio and study co-author Aekyoung Kim, lecturer in the Business School at the University of Sydney, also tackled the paradox in a 2018 study that found people who try to be happier tend to feel like they’re short on time, the stress of which makes them unhappier.

“The story here is that the pursuit of happiness costs mental resources. Instead of just going with the flow, you are trying to make yourself feel differently,” says Maglio.

Manually regulating our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors is particularly exhausting, the researchers note, and in the multi-million-dollar self-help industry, there’s a lot of pressure and responsibility placed on the self. Happiness is particularly exhausting when people view it in the same vein as money, as though it’s inherently something we can and should gather and horde as much as we can.

Pursuit of happiness puts unique strain on mental resources

Researchers surveyed hundreds of people and found the more they habitually tried to be happier, the less they reported using self-control in their daily lives. Maglio and Kim figured this was because happiness-seeking and self-control must be competing for the same finite source of mental energy. So, they concluded their next round of surveys by having participants rank lists of objects, since making choices — and completing any mundane task — requires mental resources and self-regulation. As suspected, the more people reported happiness-seeking, the less time they spent on the task.

One experiment used ads with the word “happiness” in them to trigger a phenomenon whereby people try to be happier just by seeing the word. The participants were then given a big bowl of chocolates, told they could eat as many as they like, and asked to rank the taste. Researchers rationalized the more self-control a participant had, the fewer chocolates they’d eat, and found those shown the “happiness prime” ad ate more than their counterparts.

But, Maglio and Kim wondered, had they eaten more because happiness-seeking is ultra exhausting, or would chasing any goal tire them out just as much? For the final study, participants were presented pairs of everyday items; one group was asked to choose the option that would improve their happiness, while the other was told to choose based on their personal preferences. Both groups were then given a mental task that gauged their self-control abilities. The happiness group quit earlier, indicating they had fewer mental resources left after a bout of happiness-seeking.

The pursuit of happiness isn’t inherently futile, Maglio clarifies. He recommends we think of happiness more like sand at the beach. You can cling to a fistful of sand and try to control it, but the harder you hold, the more your hand will cramp. Eventually, you’ll have to let go.

“Just chill. Don’t try to be super happy all the time,” says Maglio, whose work is supported by a grant from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada. “Instead of trying to get more stuff you want, look at what you already have and just accept it as something that gives you happiness.”

Reference: “Happiness depletes me: Seeking happiness impairs limited resources and self-regulation” by Aekyoung Kim and Sam J. Maglio, 30 January 2025, Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being.
DOI: 10.1111/aphw.70000